Rapunzel
by AmanoTsubaki
Summary: Slight x-over with Bleach It's Spitfire and Sano in Rapunzel...only they go about it in a very unorthodox manner. Will either of them survive? Birthday fic for Rweon! Main: Spitfire x Sano with some Aizen x Ryuuken Language warning


Rapunzel

Rapunzel

Pairings: SupiSano and Aizen x Ryuuken (Bleach)

Disclaimer: Don't own Bleach or Air Gear

Yes, yes, I know. I should be working on my other fics, but today is my darling Rweon's birthday. Since she likes Aizen x Ryuuken and Spitfire x Sano, this kind of … blossomed. She and I have had our own theories about the Air Gear universe pedigree. So, without further ado, enjoy the crack ridden mess. (read: unbeta'd)

Chapter 1

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a lovely, dysfunctional couple. Somehow, the mother…well…Ryuuken…got knocked up, whether of his own will or not, we will probably never know. The father, Aizen, was very, very happy, and didn't want his dear, dear "wife" to leave him, so he locked "her" up in their bedroom. Ahem… Unfortunately, the deadly combination of pregnancy mood swings, Ryuuken's natural "pissed-off" state of being, and Ryuuken's general loathing of Aizen led to some extraordinarily and increasingly strange demands. Aizen had just retrieved the first Pokemon card to have ever left the printing press, when Ryuuken asked for a…

"The smallest gear in the Time Witch's clock?"

"Yep." Ryuuken said curtly, eyes furrowing as he glared at Aizen.

"…But…honey…there's no such thing as a Time Wi…" Aizen dove to his right. A hole smoldered in the wall where his head had just been.

"Go get it." Ryuuken demanded, his bow still poised.

"…Anything for you…But…"

"No sex."

"I didn't even…"

"You get me knocked up, you pay the consequences."

Aizen could wait for the brat to be born.

"Motherf-…" Aizen stared at the massive tower before him. "The entire damn thing's a clock." Muttering and cursing all the way, Aizen leapt his way up the tower's wall, before entering through an open window. Once inside…

"&(&!!" The tower, also known as the Tower of Trophaem, had lots and lots of tiny, itty bitty parts, especially gears. They all twinkled mockingly at Aizen as if to say, "Bring it, punk."

"Screw this." Aizen dove into the piles of mechanical parts and picked out a suitable-looking gear. He turned to leave, when…

"Stop," a rather commanding voice stopped him. Aizen turned to face youth with blonde hair and white cross-shaped pupils. He also had a rather pissy look on his face. Aizen pondered the newcomer's face for a second, before asking,

"Are you a Quincy too?"

"First question gets -10 points. Drop the A.T. part and leave."

"A.T.?"

"Leave the part and go." Aizen thought for a bit. He would rather get home as soon as possible, but he would also like a happy Quincy. Or, at least, a less disgruntled Quincy. But as soon as the brat was born, Aizen knew _he_ wasn't going to get any… A devious plan popped into his head.

"What if I gave you something in exchange for the part?" Aizen slyly offered. Kilik raised his eyebrow. The only reason he was there in the first place was to babysit Simca's pet swallow. That and guard the Tower from thieves. But, if the stranger was proposing a barter, then…

"What?"

"How about I give you my first-born child as soon as he's born?"

"You'd give up your child for a tiny gear?"

"Hey, I don't question your actions, don't question mine." Kilik thought for a moment.

'Eh, Simca might like someone to play with.'

"All right, but as soon as the child is born, I'll know. So no backing out of this deal."

"Of course." Aizen said graciously, cheering internally.

"Now leave." Kilik wanted to sleep. Aizen nodded and leapt out the window, gear in hand.

One month later

"Aizen! You &!! I'll (&!" Ryuuken screamed and cursed as the labor pains struck his body.

"Shh… Now push, and do the breathing exercises Dr. Mayuri told you to…"

"& that &( doctor!" A couple more hours of cursing and blood-curdling threats later…

"Oh look, he's out!" Aizen said gleefully.

"Fuck you." Ryuuken replied tiredly. Aizen had just swaddled the new born child in a cross-patterned blanket.

"So what did you name him?"

"Sano Yasuyoshi." Aizen turned abruptly to face the exhausted Quincy.

"What?! Did you cheat on me with another man?!"

"A different last name to piss you off, and his first name is that I hope he becomes the exact opposite of you, you fucking bastard."

"Interesting name." A new voice joined in the commotion. The parents of all of five minutes turned to see Kilik.

"I'm here to collect." Aizen nodded gleefully and handed the innocent (for now) infant to the blonde boy.

As quickly as he had appeared, Kilik left, leaving the new parents of five minutes to be, once more, a childless couple, making them the couple with the shortest parenting time…ever. Ryuuken recovered from his shock, and then…

"What the hell did you just do?!"

"Now, now, honey. You wanted that gear so much…so, I just…"

"Traded my son for a gear?! I'LL KILL YOU!!" Aizen smirked.

"Don't worry…" He murmured in his low seductive voice. "If you want another one, I'm all up for it…" Aizen, once again, dodged another attack from the infuriated Quincy.

"BASTARD!"

Simca did enjoy parenting young Sano…for a while. She _was_ only seven after all. As a matter of fact, so was Kilik, but they, along with Noyamano Rika, managed to raise the boy until he turned ten. At that point, one of the new Noyamano sisters, Mikan, suggested that Sano have his very own tower. Unfortunately, when they made the tower for Sano, they forgot to put in an entrance or exit. There was only a rather small window at the very top. Rika and Simca completely freaked out. Sano, on the other hand, was pleased. He had discovered at his tender age that he had absolutely no interest in the female body. And Kilik had responded to his advances by "traveling the world." There was absolutely no privacy for him, even in that enormous tower. Yes, Sano welcome his stay in his private little tower, where he read copious amounts of books…of _all_ sorts, and even had internet access.

After Rika and Simca calmed down, they realized Sano needed to get supplies in his tower somehow. First they tried to make his hair grow long enough to send down the length of the tower. Sano entertained the idea, until he realized he was starting to look girlier than Simca or Rika. The three were at odds of what to do. Until, Sano discovered that the trenchcoat he had made had the peculiar ability to change the size of its tailcoats almost at will.

This became the accepted mode of sending packages to Sano. He rather liked the ability, save for the…

"Yasuyoshi, Yasuyoshi

Let down your trenchcoat tails"

Sano cringed and sighed as he let down his trenchcoat. He looked around the room tiredly. The internet, magazine, and books were all fine and good, but he really wanted now was a real man. Of course, dear Sano didn't know that his desire would come true soon. And he also didn't know how much he was going to regret it.


End file.
